Well hello there again.

I know I'm not online much, but I still check my comments and messages now and then (yeah, 600 of them every so often haha). I've been quite the lurker.

I've decided to give up on my modeling. It's just a cruel world out there. They don't care about sickness or health, only size matters. Since I mainly gained weight due to sickness and medication, it's pretty obvious I got pushed aside. And my brittle self-image couldn't take that well so I'm going to hide myself behind my camera for now. Although I need a proper digital one since I can't use my mother's scanner anymore.

What I actually found funny, is that I was googling my name and nickname to see what modeling sites I was still registered on (so I could cancell them) and I noticed how many people from over the world had my picture of Rens (Deemer on dA) on their blogs or profiles. Apparantly, statisticly seeing, half of them consider him to be the real Robert Smith (just about twenty years younger, twenty pounds lighter and twenty inches taller), 1/3 claims to be his girlfriend and the rest just hotlinks because they like the picture. I don't have a problem with most of that (except for the girls who say that he's their boyfriend, I call them names and force them to take it off whatever site they put it on) as long as my name is mentioned. I was pretty flattered to, I don't consider myself to be some fameous photographer. It was just the egoboost I needed.

In other news: am I cured? No, I'm not completely cured, although seeing The Cure again in March (haha) will help a bit. I still have difficulties and I still haven't lost a pound, but I'll work on that when exams are over. In fact, I even made the resolution to have my original weight back by the time my birthday arrives (in October). When you're past your 20s, you can't be a lazy ass anymore I guess. It's strange how I spend more time in my body than my mind - and I'm supposed to be a clinical psychologist some day.